Goddamn

So I haven't posted in a few days. First off, I'm changing schools. There is at least a 50% chance of me going to Mill Creek for the rest of my schooling, and if not Mill Creek, Pine View, if they accept me, that is. So I have to say, I am fucking stupid. I pine over this girl, and when it comes down to it, I'm stupid. She says one stupid little thing and it gets to me, and I don't express myself like I should. Oh, fuck the pronoun game. So I was hanging out with Christine, and she said something about her being a terrible person, not everyone needs to know the details, well it got to me. It really did, not that I said it did, but I knew she knew, and she knew I knew she knew. She kept asking me "what?" meaning, "What is wrong?" or possibly, "what are you thinking?" and I kept saying "Nothing." or "I don't know," both of which, are complete lies. So we were listening to Evanesence, and she knows the song Anywhere means a lot to me emotionally, and I think she put it on just to see how I would react. Well, I kissed her, but this time, she didn't kiss back. That was another big deterrence. But when I sit back down, she is smiling at me. Am I wrong in being completely confused by this? So she gets a phone call from someone, and says "I'm going now." So I walk her out as usual, and I give her a hug, as usual. See, I usually kiss her goodbye. For some stupid fucking reason, I couldn't. I looked at her, and I felt like a 2 inch pig weight dropped in my stomach. Maybe I am getting too attached. I know I'm not the only guy for her, and I realize I will never live up to some stuff that Mckray has done, and Joe, if you're reading this, he did do some good before he left. I can't live up to that, and I know it. Not to mention that there is basically a fucking fan club dedicated to having feelings toward Christine. Great, this makes my odds wonderful, and boosts my confidence. She could pick any one of them, shit, any three of them. Maybe I thought that I was the only guy for her right now. Ok, I did think that. Maybe I was wrong. I haven't been "the only guy" for someone in a long time. At least a year now. Even then, I knew the girl had feelings for other guys, because it's highschool, and that's what is supposed to happen, but shit. Who knows, maybe I was right. Shit, I need to talk to her, she's off to meet someone somewhere, though. Maybe I'll call her later. Well, I know one thing. She's the only girl for me.