Hate
Look, I am tired of hate. We can't go around in this life just hating everyone, or even anyone. I am tired of being angry. I'm tired of being the kid that scowls, that doesn't speak, that people are afraid of. I've seen those looks in the halls, while I am playing, and I'm tired of it. Right now, I'd like to apologize to pretty much everyone. I doubt most of these people will read this, but I gotta say it.
Mom - I'm sorry I stopped caring about school. I know I shouldn't have fucked up so bad, and I know that I could have done better, but the fact of the matter is that I fucked up, and I'm trying to fix it. I realize that I am a disappointment, but I'm working on fixing my life up.
Dad - I'm sorry that I'm not really involved with the family as much as I probably should be. Over the summer I separated myself as much as I could. I've been trying to be less hostile, and it's going alright, but it'll take a lot more work.
Grandma and Grandpa - I really hated the fact that you guys were moving into the backyard. I really did. I thought, "Great, Grandpa comes and lectures me when he is here once a month, now it's every day!" But it's not that bad. I sometimes think that Grandpa is just a stupid old man, but really, I know he knows a hell of a lot more than me, and I should listen to him, no matter how much he makes me feel stupid.
Matt - I'm sorry I'm so hostile towards you. I know I shouldn't be, and that I should just be alright with you, but it's hard when I am constantly being put down. I know it's just "brotherly love" but it needs to be toned down on both are parts. I'm always here if you need sound run for a small show.
Jill - Too many times I have called you a bitch. I realize you are out there on your own now, and your trying to deal with that, and you have been pretty nice to me, and understanding. Please, Jill, if you read this, chill out about Christine, I really like her, and she's a great girl, just give her another shot, with an open mind. There is always way too much miscommunication. I'm sorry I haven't helped to clear up the miscommunication, but if you ever need something explained about what's going on with me, just ask, don't assume. I'm always here if you want to talk and figure things out.
Christine - I like you. A lot. I know you know this, and you have said you like me, but sometimes it doesn't seem like you do. I'm sorry I assume waaaay too much. Too many times I've just gone with what everyone else says, and not what you say, or not even confronted you about it. I'm sorry I assume it all. I've been working on it, and just getting shit out on the table. I love you, don't ever stop being the great person you are.
Joe - I'm sorry I can be such an ass hole to you. It's really not what I intend on doing, but I do it. Sometimes it isn't even to your face. I know, I know, it's fucked up, and I'm stopping. Enough of my stupid drama bull shit, and time to get on with living my life, without putting others down and belittling them over things I don't even know the half of. I love ya, man, your fucking family.
McKray - God, where to start. I've been such a fucking ass hole to you, it's not even funny. You weren't always nice to me, but when you would try to fix things, I would just throw it all in your face, and dismiss it as bullshit. This was wrong. I shouldn't have done it. Yeah, we've had our differences, but you know what, it's nothing we can't overcome. I hope you're doing well with the MC. Hooah!
Tyson - I find you extremely annoying at times, and I have a somewhat short fuse with you. I should really have more patience, and I know I can, I just have to do it. I admit, sometimes I just ignore the phone calls, and try to get away from you. I really need to just be upfront with you a lot more, and stop trying to drop hints. I need to express how I feel about you, and let you know when it's time for us to split ways.
Mr. Mo - I pulled a lot of shit on you. I must say, I absolutely hated you. I thought that you were a complete failure as a band director. I'm sorry I always dissed you, and bad mouthed you, and was a general insurgent. I won't say I liked you, or that I do now. I'm sorry I was such an ass to you, and a thorn in the bands foot. I should have been more supportive of all your methods, to try and help the band be more supportive and ultimately, learn more. I'm sorry.
Rich - I pulled a lot of shit you will probably never know. Only my techie friends will ever know that shit. I'm sorry for it, all the same.
Well, that's not everyone, but all for now. Next week I will probably continue the list. It's two in the morning now, and I think I ought to go to sleep. Today, Tuesday, October 17, 2006, I declare that I am starting a new lifestyle. A new me. One who is kinder to people, more understanding, less assuming, and generally, a nicer person. Goodnight, Blog
Jared
Mom - I'm sorry I stopped caring about school. I know I shouldn't have fucked up so bad, and I know that I could have done better, but the fact of the matter is that I fucked up, and I'm trying to fix it. I realize that I am a disappointment, but I'm working on fixing my life up.
Dad - I'm sorry that I'm not really involved with the family as much as I probably should be. Over the summer I separated myself as much as I could. I've been trying to be less hostile, and it's going alright, but it'll take a lot more work.
Grandma and Grandpa - I really hated the fact that you guys were moving into the backyard. I really did. I thought, "Great, Grandpa comes and lectures me when he is here once a month, now it's every day!" But it's not that bad. I sometimes think that Grandpa is just a stupid old man, but really, I know he knows a hell of a lot more than me, and I should listen to him, no matter how much he makes me feel stupid.
Matt - I'm sorry I'm so hostile towards you. I know I shouldn't be, and that I should just be alright with you, but it's hard when I am constantly being put down. I know it's just "brotherly love" but it needs to be toned down on both are parts. I'm always here if you need sound run for a small show.
Jill - Too many times I have called you a bitch. I realize you are out there on your own now, and your trying to deal with that, and you have been pretty nice to me, and understanding. Please, Jill, if you read this, chill out about Christine, I really like her, and she's a great girl, just give her another shot, with an open mind. There is always way too much miscommunication. I'm sorry I haven't helped to clear up the miscommunication, but if you ever need something explained about what's going on with me, just ask, don't assume. I'm always here if you want to talk and figure things out.
Christine - I like you. A lot. I know you know this, and you have said you like me, but sometimes it doesn't seem like you do. I'm sorry I assume waaaay too much. Too many times I've just gone with what everyone else says, and not what you say, or not even confronted you about it. I'm sorry I assume it all. I've been working on it, and just getting shit out on the table. I love you, don't ever stop being the great person you are.
Joe - I'm sorry I can be such an ass hole to you. It's really not what I intend on doing, but I do it. Sometimes it isn't even to your face. I know, I know, it's fucked up, and I'm stopping. Enough of my stupid drama bull shit, and time to get on with living my life, without putting others down and belittling them over things I don't even know the half of. I love ya, man, your fucking family.
McKray - God, where to start. I've been such a fucking ass hole to you, it's not even funny. You weren't always nice to me, but when you would try to fix things, I would just throw it all in your face, and dismiss it as bullshit. This was wrong. I shouldn't have done it. Yeah, we've had our differences, but you know what, it's nothing we can't overcome. I hope you're doing well with the MC. Hooah!
Tyson - I find you extremely annoying at times, and I have a somewhat short fuse with you. I should really have more patience, and I know I can, I just have to do it. I admit, sometimes I just ignore the phone calls, and try to get away from you. I really need to just be upfront with you a lot more, and stop trying to drop hints. I need to express how I feel about you, and let you know when it's time for us to split ways.
Mr. Mo - I pulled a lot of shit on you. I must say, I absolutely hated you. I thought that you were a complete failure as a band director. I'm sorry I always dissed you, and bad mouthed you, and was a general insurgent. I won't say I liked you, or that I do now. I'm sorry I was such an ass to you, and a thorn in the bands foot. I should have been more supportive of all your methods, to try and help the band be more supportive and ultimately, learn more. I'm sorry.
Rich - I pulled a lot of shit you will probably never know. Only my techie friends will ever know that shit. I'm sorry for it, all the same.
Well, that's not everyone, but all for now. Next week I will probably continue the list. It's two in the morning now, and I think I ought to go to sleep. Today, Tuesday, October 17, 2006, I declare that I am starting a new lifestyle. A new me. One who is kinder to people, more understanding, less assuming, and generally, a nicer person. Goodnight, Blog
Jared
posted by Monty at 01:39
1 Comments:
Jared, I'll bet you didn't expect to see me here, if you do see me that is. I was wandering around looking for my family name and wound up here. Even at this stage getting an apology means a lot to me. I tried so hard to do what I thought was right, what I thought would be best for the band. I know I said and did some things that were not great for the band and particularly for certain individuals. Sometimes I was frustrated by situations and just didn't know what to do. Sometimes I was just plain insensitive, no excuse. I had figured for the last two years that you hated me. Now to discover that you merely dislike me, well now, that's different.
Seriously, the band needed you and McKray and Christine so very badly last year that it made me hurt. I felt like almost every day was another chance for you to take another stab at me and I got pretty raw from all that.
I am sorry for not being sensitive to your and many other's feelings. Things should have been different for all of us. I'm still not sure what I should have done given some of the issues I faced but one thing I know for sure. More love was needed. That should absolutely start with me.
I think I'm almost over the comparison battle that I felt I was in. Those first two years I let fear of not measuring up to the other guy paralyze me. I thought if we won a trophy and went to state I would be respected and loved. I overlooked the first and most important consideration. That everyone else wants to be respected and loved. I failed to show that even when I felt it early on.
I hope you'll believe me when I say I am truly sorry for my insensitivity. You are a talented musician and I wish we had had a better chance to work together.
Best wishes, Mr. Morrise
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