Ok, so I haven't posted in a few days

Ok, yeah, so what's up? That's cool. So I think I will give you the details as of late in backwards order. So today we moved in my grandparents into their new house in the back yard. Shit. I didn't want them to move in, but oh well, too late now. Ok, Friday: I leave school 12:00, and head up to Salt Lake with my family -Jill. My dad, Matt, and I go to Gigantour, which is a giant metal show with about 8 or 9 metal bands. The first opening band we saw sucked a lot of ass. The second band, Overkill, was from the 80s and had some talent, but not too much creativity. The third band was Arch Enemy. They have a female grunt vocalist. Very neat. They had talent, but not very good sound quality. Now, Opeth comes out. That is the whole reason we went. Opeth was AMAZING!!!! They were funny, too. So much talent, and great sound quality. Now, Lamb of God played... They were silly. It really was silly. I swear they just played the same song over and over with different lights. We left before Megadeth played. It was loads of fun. Ok, so I have been hanging out with Christine a lot. I really really like her. I cherish any moment I can actually hang out with her, seeing as she lives in Cedar. I just wished she would call more often, but I understand she has a job, and homework, and whatnot. So yeah... That's all that's really been up lately. Oh, and tech. Lots and lots of tech, still. But yeah, Moving my grandparents, seeing metal shows, hanging out with a beautiful, wonderfully exquisite girl, and teching. There it is. My life. Oh, and hanging out with Joe and Jake. I like doing that on occasion, too. Miss you guys. I have such a fucking easy life, it's starting to piss me off.

The previous posts

Look, I don't know what happened last night. I just exploded, and I don't know why. I think I was on my period... yeah... Sorry about that. So I would just like to say: Christine, I'm sorry for what I said in those posts, I can't take it back, but I can tell you that I don't think it anymore. It is the first time I have even remotely thought that. I guess I just let my doubt and depression get the better of me. Christine, you are a wonderful, beautiful person, and I feel that I am privileged to know you at all, let alone as well as I do. I'm sorry. I love you.

Jared

Yeah, all that, and I love her all the same.

=(

Fuck. This fucking sucks. You know what I hate? Crying myself to sleep. You know what I hate more? Not having a good fucking reason! Fuck!!!!!!!!! I. GOD. FUXCCKJL!!!! She kisses me, and tells me it will never work, she says one thing, and does another. I hate it! She once told me a kiss meant something, that it was special. FUCK. If it was so special, why not try a little courtesy? You didn't even fucking return my god damn phone call. You know what I realized? That whenever I want to talk to you, I have to make contact. When I want to see you, I invite you, and hope, fucking pray, that you can fit me in, for only a minute. You know, I doubt she even ever really cared. Sure, she says she does, and acts like it...sometimes... I doubt she ever told anyone that she kissed me, and does kiss me. I can't stand it. I asked her if by kissing me, she wanted to take things farther than just flirting, and you know what she said "You and I both know it would be hard." Yeah, I know it wouldn't be easy, but shit, what the fuck good is something if it's fucking easy? Sure, you don't want a fucked up relationship, and if it got bad, sure, end it, but not even try, not because you say it's not worth it, which you never said, you said because it's hard. And it really cheeses my fucking goat when you say your done with that FUCKBAG of a person, Mckray Jones, and still talk to him, and do shit with him. FUCK! Why the fuck do my stupid fucking problems look even stupider written out???? GOD! Now this is just making me realize how fucking stupid I am, first off for thinking I had a chance with you, and second, for thinking my stupid fucking problems actually mean a shit to anyone else. I'm alone in this fucking world, better get used to it, I have a ways to go.


FUCK!